Having “me” time
“If you don’t love yourself, you cannot love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you are not able of developing compassion for others.”- Dalai Lama
I glanced at the man behind the wheel, the same man I’ve been seeing the past 32 years. My heart raced “Oh my, he looks unusually handsome and dapper in his crisp barong tagalog “. As I reached out to hold his hand, I remembered I picked a fight just 2 days ago and held back. He had chased me all the way from home, not knowing his car was tailing behind the tricycle I was riding.
That’s how our married life is. bati, galit, bati, galit and probably will always be, hopefully more good days than bad. The reasons behind some of our spats are immaterial but the latest conflict started with an illogical jealousy fit making our love story some sort of tragic comedy. Tragic in the sense that Ondoy caused property damage yet reunited us somehow. And the comedy part? His cave got ruined by the floods and he had no choice but to crawl back to our bedroom.
I believe that more marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse is hurdled.
Indeed, the past 3 months was stormy.
That’s beside the point. This entry is not about our marriage. It’s about me.
The most important person in our marriage is me. While the going was rough, I affirmed that I am my own person with or without my husband. I constantly work at loving myself. It is a work in progress which can be slow or fast-paced. As you may have noticed, I lost a considerable amount of weight, 25 pounds since June. I shopped like I never shopped before, embarked on a a new project and just loving myself into all that I have always wanted.
I took a step further and rediscovered myself through the eyes of friends and classmates in my youth.
To know myself, I needed to set down a true statement of those that ever loved or “hated” me. It meant reconnecting (oh yes, even the first love) and losing some friends in the process.
That is the radiant glow that Art Samaniego teased me about when he saw me at a tech event. The same glow that my younger sister noticed in the photos I placed in facebook.
I am not where I am today if I didn’t learn to nurture myself. I wouldn’t have a second or third wind in my marriage if I didn’t have a loving relationship with myself first. How do I nurture myself?
1. When I am hurt, I ask myself what I need to help myself feel better.
2. When I feel alone, I reach out to someone safe like my sister, my best friend. Without feeling that I am a burden, I allow my sister to be there for me.
3. I rest when I’m tired, eat when I’m famished, have fun when my spirits need a lift.
4. I give myself gifts… a trip to my favorite beauty salon, a massage at the spa, a new gadget, a new dress.
5. It means having a long hot bath or sauna to forget about my problems for a few moments in time.
6. It means being gentle with myself. Instead of being angry with myself, I beat myself with a feather instead of a whip. I am also open to the nurturing that others have to offer to me.
I believe that “You cannot give what you do not have.”
Tonight as I type this entry on my bed, I am snuggled beside my husband. I feel loved. I feel blessed. I don’t hold on to pain, old grudges and bitterness.
Yes, we are fine tonight. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
How have you been loving yourself lately?
